I have this wise cousin who’s one of the most humble people that I have come across and we don't get to have in person conversations very often, and any time I do get a chance to speak to him, I make sure to ask him about pretty much all the things that bother me.
A lot of good books I’ve read have been recommendations by him, he skipped a grade in school and got a double promotion and I don’t think I’ve ever heard him mention that, if it were me, I would’ve made sure everyone I know, knows about that fact.
I met him again after a very long time, about 6 years at least. And there’s a wide range of topics that we spoke about and maybe I would write about all of it some day, however in this post I’ll focus on one particular conversation we had while travelling to a place nearby.
I was telling him about the difficulties I have with labelling emotions and the sadness I sometimes feel, he told me that writing it down and describing it would help,
And then went on to explain how there’s basically 4 chemicals that play a role in ensuring we stay happy. These 4 chemicals are Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin. And having enough of all 4 of these happy-ness hormones/chemicals is essential to being happy.
He told me that Endorphins are only released after any sort of physical activity, be it running, exercise, gym, any thing that makes you sweat.
Next up was Serotonin, it gets released when we put someone else above us and do something for someone other than ourselves, this got me wondering how being part of a community and contributing is essential to our own well-being. And at the same time was glad that I was being explained these things in a way I could easily comprehend and actually put to use as well.
After this came Dopamine, I think a lot of people already have a vague idea about dopamine, This is basically what gets triggered whenever we tackle and overcome (hard?) problems, this could be a breakthrough at work? finishing up a book, writing that essay or even finishing up a level on a game. The infinite scroll feeds that we have on social media does the same thing, constantly triggers our dopamine response by showing up something new when we either scroll down or refresh/reload
A lot of research went into social media being exactly the way it is right now, and recalling an older conversation I had with my brother, I remember him telling me that he stays off social media because it’s him against 100s of 1000s of the best engineers and PhDs trying to keep his attention on the platform for the longest time. Even when it comes to free content we’re still paying for it with our attention.
I believe social media is meant to keep us hooked and mess up our mental well being and the best thing I could be doing is just using it as a means to an end, maybe promoting some of the things I build? and perhaps keeping in touch with some very old friends? The only way I see is that genuinely thinking of these apps/sites as a threat to my wellbeing and using them with caution and only when I actually want to, instead of mindlessly jumping off and scrolling endlessly.
And the last one is Oxytocin,
The feeling of loving or being loved is what leads our brain to release this. And I was wondering if a loss of a loved one would stop this from being released for a while and if so would It cause one to be sad? And if so then can others step in and kind of make it feel less sad and start the production of this chemical? I didn’t ask him that though, maybe I’ll ask him to read this and tell me about it.
I get wiser every time I get to spend time with him, and honestly I’m just glad I get to have conversations like this with him.
And I think as soon as I start regular workouts or running, I should be good to go in terms of ample amount of chemicals that help you maintain happy-ness.
There was a time in my life where the thought of having access to a computer whenever I want seemed nothing less than absolute peak of happiness. I now have multiple laptops and phones, really good devices too. All of this seemed inconceivable to me when I was 12 years old.
Now as you grow older, the idea of this ideal peak of happiness evolves as well, I can't exactly recall what it would've been like in my twenties but it definitely had something along the lines of having a girlfriend along with interesting work.
And now when I think about what peak of happiness might be, I can't really tell. However in terms of things I'm looking forward to, Owning a home is definitely on top whatever else that list might have. A close second would be to not leave behind any debt in my old age. Both of these things to some extent end up working against each other.
Another thing that I've been trying to incorporate into my daily life is contentment. This has been a frustrating experience thus far, in my inability to practice this every day or forgetting about this altogether. Now, Having a bucket load of money is definitely good to have but when you truly accept where you come from, that is, not having a pencil to write or not wanting to wash your jeans because if you do, you don't have anything nice to wear until it dries off, and to having all of your basic needs met, there isn't much point in complaining or wishing for more, now is there?
Wanting more is something perhaps deeply rooted in what it means to be a human. And I don't think it's a bad thing per se however if this thing takes over you, troubles you and puts you into existential dread, then taking a pause and looking at where you come from is important, isn't it? The current, or the now is so much better compared to the past, at least in terms of means of survival.
To go beyond this should be the goal, wanting this would again end up with wanting something else the moment you achieve it.
It's a vicious cycle indeed, and I'm doing what I can to tread carefully.
So what exactly should we want out of life?
Thoughts?